Last week was Labor Day, so there was no class. I have thoughts around Labor Day, particularly as an adjunct instructor. I will not go into depth about that here, but will send a huge heaping Thank You to all my tenured colleagues who remember that adjuncts exist and fight to ensure equitable treatment.
Today we talked about Imposter Syndrome. This is a term that I am not a fan of. About 18 months ago, this is what I had to say:
To expand on this, there is an intersectional nature to this practice, making it even worse when you add in being part of various marginalized communities, primarily people of color and the LGBTQ+ community. When society teaches you from the moment of your birth that you are already an imposter, no matter what you do, having other people rail against Imposter Syndrome can be annoying.
Along with the post I wrote 18 months ago, I suggested an alternate explanation for the feelings associated with Imposter Syndrome: rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD). This is often part of neurodivergence or follows trauma or accompanies anxiety. That fear of rejection from RSD can be paralyzing, to the point that praise can feel fake. You know that rejection is coming, so the praise must be false, could even be out of sympathy knowing that the axe is about to fall.
Many people pleasers are experiencing RSD. That extra-well-behaved kid in your classroom? They may be so afraid of getting in trouble or saying the wrong thing that they follow the rules the best they can (waving - that was me once upon a time). I had a conversation with my sibling not long ago in which we - surprise, surprise - talked about our childhood and the different perspectives we had on experiences we shared. I was startled to discover that they did not feel a pervasive fear of getting in trouble for their entire childhood. I had no idea that it was possible to go through childhood any other way (which feels a bit ridiculous to type now, given everything I know about child development).
It took a long time for me to get past that all-encompassing fear (though it still has some remnants in my mind - thank you, anxiety). Oddly - or maybe not so oddly - RSD lessened when I was querying literary agents and received rejection after rejection after rejection. I started to realize that rejection is not necessarily a bad thing. It can be motivation to work harder, to keep going. After all, I only need one literary to say yes, so if all the others say no, it's not a huge problem.
Doing that work on myself, considering exactly what Imposter Syndrome may be from an intersectional feminist perspective, has allowed me to break free from the constraints these words wrap around us. I can move freely through the world without those chains.
On a separate note, we looked at academic article searches, a process with which I am already quite comfortable. What I do not yet have is a system for organizing said articles, so it is experimentation time, starting with Zotero. Anyone have any (free) favorites to share?
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